Today as I was driving to Bonham VA hospital to get prescriptions for Mama I found myself slipping into depression again. I decided to use music therapy and listen to Pandora. Do you ever hear a song that you have listened to a hundred times and realize that you never actually listened to the words? For the first time, I listened to the words of “I Lived” by One Republic and then had to hear it again so pulled up the YouTube video for it. The story behind the video reminded me of my cousin Treva.

Treva & Christy (4)
Treva & Christy

My Aunt Brenda had married a man with 2 children, Treva and Charles when we were toddlers. Soon after they married they had a baby, my cousin Christy when Treva and I were 3. Although Brenda’s marriage didn’t turn out, she continued to treat Treva & Charles as if they were her own. Their dad ended up not able to raise them so they lived with their Grandparents and spent summers and most holidays with my Aunt.

Treva & Christy (2)
My Sister Tami with Christy on her lap, my sister Teri with me on her lap, Charles with Treva on his lap.

 

Treva, Christy & I were like the 3 musketeers. Whenever I would go to Pikeville, KY to see my Grandparents it was a given that I would stay nights with Treva & Christy. They were not just my cousins but they were my best friends. We played hide & seek and kickball. We make mudpies and built zoos with turtles and frogs. We played cards and monopoly. We would sit for hours in a little circle and have little talks about anything and everything. Of course, we got into our share of troubles too.

 

Treva & Christy (3)
Cousins Treva & Christy

 

From a very early age, I knew that Treva was special because she had to take lots of pills and was sick a lot. She was always coughing and she couldn’t play games as hard as Christy and me. Treva had Cystic Fibrosis. I knew that she would probably die young but when I got the news that she had passed away I could hardly believe it. She and I were 16 years old. I was 7 months pregnant with my oldest son Sean. My life was just beginning while hers came to an abrupt and tragic end. I do not know the details of her death but once I was brave enough I asked Christy how it happened. She said that she had been visiting my Aunt and did not want to return home and was very upset and crying as they took her to the bus station. She just put her head back against the seat of the car and died. Her heart just stopped. (To learn more about CF or to make a donation for research go to Cystic Fibrosis Foundation )

 

So, as I listened to the song on the video the second time it sounded like what Treva would say to me if she could come back for a little talk. While I would like to wallow in self-pity with my pour-me-s disease while going through a divorce at 52 years old, she would have loved to be able to live and love long enough to have her heart broken as much as I had. Yes, my heart hurts so much it feels like it will break at times but it is still beating. As I feel the hurt I can be thankful that I can still feel. My heart beats to live this life to the fullest and to praise God with my being. Adventures await.

Going forward I need to be mindful to spend my days so that they add up…

Till then…

Jesus’ Truly,

Fearless

cropped-hungry-pup-1315869.jpgTreasures from God’s Word

Romans 14:8 – For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s.

 

I Lived – OneRepublic 

I’d like to teach the world to sing
Hope when you take that jump
You don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises
You built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out
They’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay
Hope that you fall in love
And it hurts so bad (Yeah)
The only way you can know
You gave it all you had
And I hope that you don’t suffer
But take the pain
Hope when the moment comes,
You’ll say
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived
I’d like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when that sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup
I wish that I could witness
All your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes
I’ll say
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived
I’d like to teach the world to sing
Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh
Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh
Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh
Oh whoa oh oh whoa oh
With every broken bone
I swear I lived
With every broken bone
I swear I
I’d like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
A song of peace that echoes on
And never goes away
I’d like to teach the world to sing
Songwriters: Noel Patrick Zancanella / Ryan Tedder
I Lived lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Downtown Music Publishing

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