In honour of Pi Day and my Daddy, I will share a very special story about pie.
As I left my husband and children at the hotel and drove ahead of them the 10 winding country miles to my sister’s house to help her and my Mama take care of my Daddy I turned on a country radio station. Just a few weeks earlier the doctor’s had given us the news that his cancer had spread to his liver and bones despite the surgery he had to remove a tumour with his kidney. We had spent the last several days saying all the things that needed to be said and doing all the things needing to be done. We stood by and watched his body and mind absorbed by the pain waiting for that moment when his soul would leave the pain and suffering behind. As the music twanged through the crackling speakers of Mama and Daddy’s old suburban that they had been letting me drive, I could not help but think about how Daddy liked country and old gospel music. One of his favourite songs was “Death Aint No Big Deal” by Jake Hess.
As I passed the Pecan Grove Cemetary I thought about how Daddy had been facing death square in the face every time we drove him to the hospital. He would point as we passed the iron-fenced bordered graveyard and proclaim, “That is where I am going to be buried.” It was getting harder and harder to care for him and hear him cry in pain when he would have to be moved. I didn’t want to let my Daddy go but at the same time I wanted to let him go. As these thoughts swirled around the last few curves an unfamiliar melody began to play. The first two words caught my immediate attention, “If heaven…” (If Heaven by Andy Griggs)
As I made the last few turns I was captivated by the words that followed and how they sounded like my Daddy was talking to me.
If heaven was an hour, it would be twilight
When the fireflies start their dancin on the lawn
And suppers on the stove, and mammas laughin
And everybody’s workin day is done
On a summer day in 1985 (1945)
And everything I wanted was out there waitin
And everyone I loved was still alive
There comes a time we all must say goodbye
And if that’s what heavens made of
You know what I ain’t afraid to die
Cool and sweet and heavy on the top
And just one bite would satisfy your hunger
Thered always be enough for everyone
To take this weary travler round the bend
And if heaven was a tear it’d be my last one
And you’d be in my arms again
There comes a time we all must say goodbye
And if that’s what heavens made of
You know what I ain’t afraid to die
When the song got to the part about the cherry pie I could picture Daddy eating it as happy as he could be. Tears flowed unabated down my cheeks as I sat parked in front of my sister’s house looking at the window where I knew Daddy was laying on the other side. How could I go and see him with a tear-streaked face? That is exactly what he would be saying to me, “don’t cry a tear for me now baby”. If he had passed I would have thought that he was speaking to me from another world. But he wasn’t. I tried my best to clear up my eyes. I needed to be strong.
As I entered the house, Mama came out of their room and said in a surreal tone, “He’s dead. Ben is dead. Daddy is dead. Oh my God.” She buried her head in her hands and paced back and forth. From that moment I knew that Daddy had been speaking to me from another place through the waves of that radio. I would have felt bad that I did not get to talk to or hear from him again that morning before he died but I believed that God gave us that special moment. I would not have traded it for even a whisper from his lips. It was a beautiful melding of spiritual and radio waves at what I believe was the moment that a “weary traveller” took a “fast train” to that “cool sweet cherry pie” in heaven, where someday I’ll crawl up in his lap and be in his arms again.
Love this, Angela!