Yesterday, when I launched this blog I had no intention of actually starting it that day. I had been planning for a very long time. I had read blogs and watched videos about blogging so long that I just got more confused. But, the irony is that the only thing holding me back was FEAR. I was afraid that my content would not interest anyone, that I was not educated enough, that I wouldn’t be able to figure out how to do it, and so on. It was one of those leaps of faith moments. I have known for at least a year that this was what I had been called to do. Now here finally I write as Fearless.
I am going to start by telling you a story about my very first memory as a child which has since become the narrative for many of the situations in my life.
I was about 4 years old living with my Daddy, Mama and 2 older sisters in Bristol TN. Daddy struggled to provide at that time and had moved us to an attic apartment in a big wood frame house. Our living quarters had 2 sides separated by an open landing for a staircase. It led downstairs to an open corridor and the main entrance door with other apartments on either side. One side of our apartment had a bedroom that we three girls shared and a small kitchen. The other side was a living room that Mama and Daddy used as their bedroom. We would all hang out and watch TV in their room in the evening after supper.
This one particular night between programs a very entertaining commercial came on that I found myself watching while everyone left the room. When the smell and sound of popcorn popping grabbed my attention I looked around and realized that I was alone (one of my first fears) and that everyone was laughing about something in the kitchen. I stood in the doorway looking across the dark landing at the kitchen door trying to figure out how I could get there without the boogie man getting me (another one of my fears). “I know”, I thought. “If I close my eyes I won’t know that it is dark and if I run as fast as I can I will get to the door before anything can get me”. Well, it sounded like a good plan at the time.
Leaving the empty room, I closed my eyes and ran as fast as I could toward the kitchen door. The next thing I knew I was tumbling head over heels down a very long flight of wooden steps. Then I was once again alone and in the dark at the bottom of the stairs just waiting for the boogie man to grab me. As I screamed while holding my swelling bleeding nose my Daddy came flying down the stairs. Daddy had always reminded me to be careful on the stairs so I feared what he was going to say but I was not afraid of him because I knew what to expect for him to do. He immediately wrapped me up in his arms and carried me upstairs to safety where Mama tended to my ouchies.
Daddy & Mama in those days
You would think that I would have learned then that there was nothing to be afraid of except fear itself. Instead, I added to my list, the fear of heights. As was the case at 4 years old I have closed my eyes to and ran from my fears my whole life. Each time tumbling and adding another fear. Always no matter what messes I have gotten myself into, however, my Heavenly Daddy has come to my rescue, scooping me up into his arms where the Holy Spirit has tended to my wounds. When I think I am alone or am afraid of something I try to remember that Jesus is always with me looking after me so that the spirit of fear does not lead me to fall.
I do still sleep with a nightlight but I also know that there is no darkness that the light of God’s love cannot dispel. He must not like darkness either else why would he have created the light, the sun, the moon, and the stars. Most of all I know that Jesus defeated the biggest boogie man of all between the cross of Calvary and rolling the stone away and leaving an empty tomb behind. I have learned to say to myself, “What is the worst that can happen?”. Either way, there may be pain but, if the worst should happen, the Lord will come and take me upstairs to safety. Till then…
The Treasure Chest
Here are just a few of the verses that I meditate on whenever I have unreasonable fears:
John 8:12 – “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
James 4:7 – “Be subject therefore unto God; but resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.”
1 John 4:18 – “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
Romans 8:15 – For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; buy ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” (for me, Daddy, Father)